Who Says You Gotta Have Sex?

A lot of people do.  In out culture, sex is often shown as the ultimate reward. If we buy the right car/clothes/soap, we will get it.
People who don't know how to look and dress are out of luck.  The message is clear, pervasive and powerful: Given the choice,
everybody would choose to have sex.

Some Common Beliefs About Sex:
Do you recognize any of these ideas?

Having sex is something people take for granted once a relationship reaches a certain point.
People expect it. Telling someone you like that you don't want to have sex would be hard or seem weird.
Sex is fun, exciting and normal. It's part of being independent and making your own decisions.

You wouldn't have to look to far to find people who agree with these points.

People also have some common beliefs about abstinence (waiting to have sex):

If you don't have sex, you can't really get to know someone intimately.
If you're not having sex, there's something wrong ? with you or with the relationship.
Refusing to have sex could drive away someone you really care about. You could lose out on the "perfect" relationship if you insist on abstinence.

These two ideas together ---
"sex is normal" and "waiting is weird" ---
make it hard to notice if your own feelings are different.

What Do You Think About Sex?
Take a minute to think about what you honestly think about sex.
Are you buying into ideas that don't fit where you are in your life?

Have you ever:
Had sex with someone even though you didn't especially want to?
Partied so hard you couldn't remember the next day whether you'd had sex and/or with whom?
Neglected or dropped other friendships, your studies or most of the rest of your life when you were in a sexual relationship?
Let a sexual relationship interfere with time for yourself or with doing other things you like to do?
Been pressured to have sex and regretted it later?

Sometimes it may seem easier to go along with a popular idea. But decisions about sex are too personal and important to leave to others.

Trust Yourself!

Do any of these statements fit for you?

I want to wait to have a sexual relationship until I can give it the time and attention it deserves.
My life is so full, I don't want the distraction of sex right now.
Having a clear idea about what I want and what I don't want helps me feel good about myself.

If waiting seems to be an idea that might work for you, list some reasons why. Decisions based on your own reasons are easier to stick to.

Make Your Own Decision!

Recognize pressures that can cause you to ignore your own feelings.
Be aware of the impact a sexual relationship can have on your life.
Know how much time and attention a sexual relationship can take.
Consider abstinence as a reasonable option.
Make conscious decisions that consider all the factors.

Abstinence Puts You in Control!

If you make a conscious decision not to have
sex, you cam also make a conscious decision
to have sex --- when the time, circumstances
and person are right for you.

Last Thought: What's Good About Waiting?