Dating Violence
…is
a pattern of coercive behavior that is used by one person to gain power and
control over another.
Get the Facts:
Dating violence usually begins with verbal & emotional abuse. It can progress
to physical and/or sexual assault.Verbal or emotional violence. One
partner makes fun of, insults, bosses, controls, and/or threatens the other
Physical Violence. One partner grabs, shoves, slaps, pinches or hits
the other.
Sexual Violence. One partner forces the other to have sex
Its not unusual for 2 or more types of violence to be going on in an
abusive relationship.
Warning Signs:
Its not always easy to see that someone is likely to be violent. You may be
attracted to other, better parts of the person's character.
But, if you know what to watch for, you can often pick up hints before
abuse gets physical.
This behavior doesn't always lead to physical abuse. But a person is more
likely to become violent who:
- Seems jealous when you talk to or go out with other friends
- Throws or breaks things when angry
- Wants to control how you dress or wear your hair
- Tells you you're wrong, stupid, crazy or inadequate when you disagree
- Always plans where you'll go and what you'll do together
- Abuses alcohol or other drugs
Sometimes people who are being abused in these ways think they've done or
said something wrong. This is not true. No one ever deserves to be abused.
This includes verbal & emotional abuse.
Power & Control:
Dating violence is a pattern of coercive behavior that is used by one person
to gain power and control over another. this coercive behavior may include:
Why
do people abuse one another?
Relationship violence occurs because one person feels entitled to have greater
power in the relationship. This sense of entitlement is often a result of
learned behaviors--of following gender stereotypes, of doing what we've seen
our parents do--of acting out in our romantic relationships the power and
control relationships that we encounter in all aspects of our daily lives.
What should I
Do?:
If you are being abused:
Call your local crisis line to get help and information (Women's Services &
Gender Resources: 535-2387)
Attend a domestic violence support group. Ask your local domestic violence or
sexual assault crisis center if there is a support group for teens in violent
dating relationships.
Tell your friends about the abuse so they can look out for you or walk with
you in groups (the more people who know, the safer you may be).
Talk to a parent, teacher, counselor, or some other adult. they may be able to
help you
Take legal action. You can get a restraining order to keep your abusive
partner away from you. If you and your dating partner have a child, you can
also get child custody temporarily awarded to you through the restraining
order.
Know that what is happening to you is never your fault. You do not have to
deal with this on your own. There are people who can help.
Keeping Safe:
There are no guarantees to your safety, but some precautions may help:
1) Know thyself. It's okay to have some alone time when you're in a
relationship. Take this time to explore your own interests, desires, and
beliefs. take this time to get to know yourself. the better you know yourself,
the better chance you have of being in a positive relationship.
2) Consider expectations and boundaries. Decide what you expect from a
relationship and what behaviors you will not tolerate from your boyfriend or
girlfriend.
3) Communicate expectations. Communication about sexual issues can be confusing
and embarrassing. Guessing or making assumptions about another person's
feelings or desires can be dangerous and extremely hurtful. You can avoid
these situations by talking things out.
4) Pay attention to your feelings. If a situation feels wrong or scary, you
may be in danger. Trust your feelings and try to get out of that situation.
5) Notice changes in your relationship. If someone stops respecting your
wishes and your boundaries, this person may end up taking advantage of you. be
assertive.
6) Believe that it can happen to you.
