Top 10 Farm Animals

Luke Young


Staff Writer


I would like to preface this article by stating that these rankings are objectively correct and you are incorrect if you disagree with my rankings. On with it.

10. Geese

Geese suck and anyone who keeps geese on their farms is a maniac. They’re just worse ducks, and you will not be receiving any ‘golden eggs’ from these jerks. If man was not meant to strangle geese, then why does man’s hand fit perfectly around their scrawny necks? I hate geese.

9. Pigs

Pigs will eat anything, and are dirty from the mud which is gross. If you read Animal Farm, you know they’re jerks that will sell you out to the humans, even when the rules that everyone agreed to says not to. We also refer to people we don’t like as pigs, so no thank you.

8. Sheep

Sheep look funny. I wish they looked less like that, but they do. We call people who blindly follow orders or other instructions sheep, so the term is already derogatory. 

7. Cow

Cows are big fellows. They kinda stink and are compatible with walls. How anyone could go cow tipping is beyond me but to each their own I guess. They do have fun patterns and I like the look of some of them, so they’re okay I guess.

6. Chickens

Chickens are easy to have around, and I know people with chickens. They’re a good companion animal though a farm of only chickens would seem strange. My handwriting isn’t the greatest (clearly) and it’s been called chicken scratch, so I have less of a quarrel with them than other animals.

5. Turkeys

Turkeys are a little better than chickens because we’ve got that whole celebration around them (Thanksgiving). Hart’s Turkey Farm in Meredeth, which is something like 20 minutes away, is pretty good too. They’re a restaurant, so they get a pass on the whole ‘farm just for turkeys’ thing.

4. Ducks

Ducks are pretty cool, especially in color. Mallards have a neato name, and their colors are cool. Throwing them bread or sunflower seeds (if you care about their health) is a wonderful time for everybody, and they make a cool sound.

3. Llamas

Hear me out. Not usually farm animals, except in Minnesota or something, but their name is cool and they’re in Minecraft. There was also that classic kid’s book about the ‘drama llama’ but he got his dues in the end.

2. Goats

Goats are the GOAT, so they had to be high on the ranking. There’s this cool goat farm called Hickory Nut Farm in Lee that has goat products and you get to feed/pet the goats. Goat products are good alternatives for some people with dairy allergies, so they’re cool in my book. Also, they eat tin cans which is cool as heck.

Honorable Mention: Templeton

He’s cool.

1. Spiders

Charlotte has a whole book named after her, and did most of the work, to be honest. Also, they act as natural bug-eaters on cranberry farms and climb all over you when you flood the bog. She was a girl boss and deserves to be mentioned.

Thank you for coming to my review. If you have any contrary opinions to share, keep them to yourself or find me in real life so we can “debate”.

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